Life of a teacher- I suppose

Who knows, I may have posted something similar to this post on a different day a long time ago. But like stated above, I suppose it's the life of a teacher. Shane & I were talking last night and he said I come down too hard on myself. He made me think as I have been for a few weeks now. It all started with a parent teacher conference with one of my AP Calc students. The kid has a C- not too bad in AP Calc, especially my AP Calc class. But he has never had a C before in math and he is devastated. Parents don't understand why he can do so well on homework and bomb the tests. I can see why, but what do I really say. We teach this CPM curriculum which is great because the kids learn a hands on approach and get to know the why behind math. They get more word problems and get to dissect math a bit more than the normal rote learning. BUT, we test with group tests which provides a practice for the individual test. For my pre-algebra students it doesn't make much of a difference. It's not like they bomb the group test and then ace the individual test- it's just the caliber of my students. But by the time they get to AP Calc they have grown accustomed to that and want to see questions exactly like the ones on the chapter test before they are given it. I'm not going to do that. If they know the material and the concepts and the terminology, they will do well no matter what. Besides that, I think my students have focused on doing what they think is expected and not really reading the directions, learning the terminology, and paying attention to what is being asked of them. They get their tests back and think, gee I knew how to do that, what was I thinking. I don't know, but they need to figure that out now so they stop doing it.

Anyway, so at this conference I am told because of this C this student of mine is rethinking his whole future dream career. I have dashed this kids dreams. I could take this really personally. The parents turned to me a few minutes later to tell me not to take it personally, but seriously how can I not take it a bit personally. I'm a teacher- I can have pretty big effect on a student's life. I know this, but last year I learned a lot from teaching Calculus- and one thing was not to let it bother me. Especially this year, I have other things to focus on besides parents who unintentionally want to make me feel bad. I am sure I will find all of this out in due time with a baby on the way, momma bear wanting to protect her cubs, but I hope I am able to stick to my guns and hold the children a bit more accountable than some of the parents I have seen in my time.

After this meeting with the parents I was to have some reflection time with one of the admins. Don't usually do that, but whatever. Trust me, I reflect on my own and usually beat myself up. The difference this year is I am literally working my butt off. I have students who enjoy my class and feel comfortable in coming to me for help. I get to work around 7 and usually by 715, sometimes earlier, I have at least one student who visits me on a daily basis to check his Calc answers and get help- usually Algebra mistakes here & there, and lack of self-confidence to move forward on problems. I have students from my honors pre-calc class that also come in for help. These students will sometimes sit in my other classes just because they feel comfortable doing math in my room and if they need help, I can quickly help un-frustrate them. I have a large group of students that come in during advisory and then stay through lunch. I think I can count on both hands the number of times I have eaten with the other math teachers this school year. I also have students who will stay after school for help or to work on homework. I have been at school as early as 630 to help students and stayed as late as 530. I have done my best to help these students better understand math.

So, back to this reflection. I am asked what more I can do to help these students. What more can I do??? When is someone going to say, gee Krista you have been working your tail off this year to help these students and things are going so much better than last year? That's what I have been focusing on- the great strides that this class has made over last year's class. Now it's, Krista, youre not doing enough, let's do more.

I really believe any good teacher knows deep down they are never done improving. Students change, times change, and there's only so much a person can do in a year. So I make changes now, this summer I focus on more changes for next year. Each year I keep perfecting what I have- that's what good teachers do.

What I hate is that it is never enough.

What I am blessed with this year though is a great group of students. One teacher at the school has her students write thank you cards to teachers. I got three in particular this year that were the most thoughtful cards I have ever received. My students are so appreciative. That means a lot to me and I think that is what keeps me going. A good part of the students realize Calculus is hard and if I made it too easy I would be doing a disservice to them. They appreciate what help I give and some have told me they feel more comfortable coming to me for help than any other math teacher they have had. Maybe it is that motherly instinct kicking in.

So what am I going to do? I am going to keep doing what I am doing- praying I will have more 5's on the AP exam. I already have more students signed up to get the college credit for the course than last year. I have more kids interested in taking the AP exam. Now let's hope we get more 5's. It would also be nice if admin didn't mind showing a little appreciation for my hard efforts and in the same breath not ask me what more I am going to do, but then again pigs don't fly. I'll keep trucking, something I am doing is right- need to focus on that. I'll leave in a week for maternity leave, focus on my baby, and then this summer in all my free time people think I have because I am a teacher, I will work on what more I can do for my students.

Ahh, the life of a teacher...